Today, I had a unique conversation with my father. Yes, I know, “what a great way to hook the reader”, but this conversation was truly different. It started with us talking about upcoming college applications, but, like most of our conversations, it quickly jumped from topic to topic. Now, I am not going to bore you with the details from our entire conversation, but near the end of the conversation, my father told me that I need to say “no” more often.
This might not seem like a monumental moment, but it came after I told him how overwhelmed I felt with the abundance of extracurriculars I was involved in. My father has always pushed me to do more: more clubs, more classes, more activities. So, hearing him explicitly tell me that I needed to say “no” more often felt strange. After thinking more about our conversation, I realized that my father was right; I needed to value my time and be strategic about my involvements. And I believe you should too. The art of saying no, if you will, needs more mainstream attention. Instead of stretching ourselves thin, we should reserve our energy for the things that truly deserve it.
The exact moment my father told me I needed to say no more was when I was complaining about an event I had committed to months earlier and was supposed to attend in the upcoming days. Before giving me his advice, he asked why I had committed to something I was dreading. My exact answer was, “Because it looks good”.
To my credit, it was a good look. But was the benefit worth the time it would take out of my life? It was not. So, I told my father I would take his advice and moved on with the conversation.
On my way to another, separate extracurricular involvement, that part of our earlier conversation kept replaying in my head. I kept asking myself, “Why did it feel weird hearing him say that?” It seemed like such a normal thing to say, and it was not outside the context of our conversation. After some thought, I came to a conclusion: it simply had to do with my dynamic with my father. We were always active and on the go, so taking it easy felt strange.
And just like that, I put the conversation behind me, parked my car, and headed to meet with a club I was on the board for. Assuming I would never have to think about this topic or conversation again, I made it about thirty minutes into the club meeting before one of my fellow club leaders mentioned that she gets less than three hours of sleep because of how many extracurriculars she is involved in.
As soon as I heard that statement, almost poetically, my father’s voice telling me to start saying no played through my head. Just then, I realized the value of my father’s advice. Saying no is not a weakness. It is an important part of success.
The word “no” has a strange feeling around it. It feels like talking to someone while another person is creeping up behind them, and instead of warning them about the danger, you say nothing and let them get punched in the head. Saying no is not directly causing harm, but it can feel like letting down someone who went out of their way to ask something of you. It simply feels wrong. The additional work that comes from saying yes can seem easier to accept than the disappointment that might come from saying no. Somehow, that makes saying yes feel like the correct option.
Unfortunately, the issue of not saying no is much bigger than it appears. In fact, author Lisa Marie Basile, in a blog by MDLink, states that about 77% of individuals have agreed to a social gathering they would not have wanted to attend. This made me imagine what my life would look like if I agreed to everything I was asked to do. Yes, I might have more friends and a better social perception, but would my life even be mine?
If I were to look back at my life on my deathbed, would I smile knowing that I had said yes to everything and everyone except myself?
To conclude, learning to say no, when necessary, is learning to say yes to yourself. Although it may be uncomfortable, it is a skill we need to live comfortable, functioning lives. So, looking back at today, I am forced to admit that Dad was right again. I am going to encourage myself and others to become more conscious of the things we agree to and to be stricter with our time. Most importantly, I will start saying no more often.
Work Cited:
“Embracing Boundaries: New Study Encourages People Pleasers to Say ‘No.’” MDLinx. Accessed August 23, 2026. https://www.mdlinx.com/article/embracing-boundaries-new-study-encourages-people-pleasers-to-say-no/6TQLGwtMCcu2GgPFlghDUX.